A Miracle!

And so it came to pass in the year Two-thousand thirteen that a mysterious change occurred in the life of The One With The Black Thumb. This One who had never once succeeded in sustaining any life of the vegetable variety before the age of three and twenty suddenly found one, two, nay three specimens of plant life thriving in her care.

Onward!

via

If you wouldn't mind, take a look at that picture and just ponder a little bit... why would I post such a thing? Because I GOT A JOB. That's why! *Insert a gigantic, cheesy grin right here.*  And of course this image is supposed to represent me -- only I don't have red-ish brown hair and I don't always have such great posture. (I'll work on it.) 

I had an interview last Friday and apparently all lights were green and all thumbs were up because they asked me to stay and work for the rest of the day! Today was my third day so I felt that enough time had passed that I could officially post it here. :)

I am a "Project Manager" for a small website development company, and let me tell you, there is quite a learning curve for this job. At the moment, I'm far more excited than daunted by this, but I'm sure there will be some intense moments.  

After months of putting out constant effort without any return, I feel so relieved to be able to move forward with a little bit more direction.  And I want to encourage those of you who are still looking for employment -- there actually IS hope. I had started to lose it.

So that's my little announcement.  I'm sure it'll be quite the adventure!  

Happy 89th Birthday!

Yesterday would have been my Grandma Bea's 89th birthday. She passed away almost 13 years ago; it's amazing how long ago that feels. To celebrate her birthday my dad suggested that we take a day trip to my grandparents' grave-site -- my Grandpa passed away almost 7 years ago.

We packed up a picnic lunch and headed down to L.A. for the day... it was a B-E-A-UTIFUL day.  I've hardly seen the city with so little smog! It really wan't a sad day at all. It was so fun to hang out as a family and to be able to decorate my grandparents' headstones with flowers and flags. I thought I'd share a few photos from the day.

The view of snow-capped Mt. Baldy from the grave-site. 

She was and is so loved! I have such sweet memories of her.

My grandpa. He is very loved too!

While we were there we reminisced and told animated stories.

 We practiced our "smolder." 

We stared in awe of the beauty of the day and fidgeted with our hands. 

And we took a total of two shots that weren't candid. :) (I'm bummed that we didn't get one with my parents actually facing the camera!) 

I hope you don't think this post is morbid! We had such a fun time celebrating the lives of our grandparents that we didn't focus much on the fact that they aren't with us now. So anyway, here's to my grandma... Happy 89th! 

Thoughts on a Friday morning

This particular phrase: “grow where you’re planted” is one that I often hear.  It’s a sweet and, might I say cliché, phrase used to inspire or uplift a person.  Sometimes, though, this concept is a challenging one to accept. At least this is true of me:

I grew up in the desert. And as many people from the High Desert of California can attest to, the most commonly held goal here is to move away. I actually have moved away, twice. Yet, I’ve been re-“planted” here again without a definite idea of how long I’ll stay.

This phase of life has been one with many dark days, I don’t want to make it sound perfect and sugar-coated.  But I’ve been trying diligently to turn my focus to the things I enjoy about the desert: its strange beauty. The sunrises and sunsets. The healthy church I am blessed to attend. The many, quality people I do life with here. The graciousness of my family in allowing me to live with them again. Free rent:). And some time to recover from a rather traumatic end-of-college experience.

I have absolutely no idea what is coming up in my future, but fostering a contented spirit is something that seems appropriate in any season of life…

Just some of my thoughts this Friday morning.

Happy weekend to you! :)

When life feels like a test. And you’re definitely failing.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast.”  ~Ephesians 2:8-9

Imperfection

If I learned anything in college, I learned not to take information hook-line-and-sinker style.  I feel that the process of using discernment in my search for knowledge is a skill that my time in higher education fine-tuned. Although I’m sure this skill will continue to develop as I pursue knowledge throughout my life, I hope my studies thus far have helped me to grow in discernment and wisdom in the learning process.

With that said, I want to introduce to you a book that I’ve been reading.  It is called “The Gifts of Imperfection” written by Brené Brown, a writer and research professor at the University Of Houston Graduate College Of Social Work. (Click here to read her blog!) Though I am only about halfway through the book, I feel that Brown has already imparted many practical and actionable tips for living wholeheartedly.  It’s funny because as a Christian, I see how many of these tips are in-line with Christ-like living – but from what I can tell, the author does not hold the same faith as I do.  (Although, overall, I still recommend the book.)

Click here to find this on Amazon.com

If you remember, last month I wrote a series on recognizing intrinsic value. Though I only made it through 18 of the 31 days of writing, I still haven’t forgotten the topic: it is still one that is close to my heart and finds its way into my thoughts on a regular basis. In addition, I wrote yesterday about friendship, the connection I feel to a few close friends and the sense of security, and belonging that those relationships bring to my life. With those two topics in my most recent writing history, I was happy to find such wisdom in Brown’s way of approaching these topics.

Brown (who has researched this for at least a decade) writes a lot about shame and the intense vulnerability a “shame-storm” causes.  At first, I thought a shame storm included only that highly emotional state one experiences after a traumatic event. (Think, bombed presentation, an unnecessary fight, embarrassing moment, or basically anything else that causes feelings of mortification to arise.) But after reading further I discovered Brown's full definition of shame: "...the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." She advocates talking to the right person when experiencing a shame-storm.  Choosing the right person is the key. “We definitely want to avoid the following:

1. The friend who hears the story and actually feels shame for you.  She gasps and confirms how horrified you should be.  Then there is awkward silence.  Then you have to make her feel better.

2. The friend who responds with sympathy (I feel so sorry for you) rather than empathy (I get it, I feel with you, and I've been there).  If you want to see a shame cyclone turn deadly, throw one of these at it: ‘Oh, you poor thing.’ Or, the incredibly passive-aggressive southern version of sympathy: ‘Bless your heart.’

3. The friend who needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity. She can’t help because she’s too disappointed in your imperfections.  You've let her down.

4. The friend who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability that she scolds you: ‘How did you let this happen? What were you thinking?’ Or she looks for someone to blame: ‘Who was that guy? We’ll kick his ass.’

5. The friend who is all about making it better and, out of her own discomfort, refuses to acknowledge that you can actually be crazy and make terrible choices: ‘You’re exaggerating. It wasn't that bad. You rock. You’re perfect. Everyone loves you.’

6. The friend who confuses ‘connection’ with the opportunity to one-up you: ‘That’s nothing. Listen to what happened to me one time!’”

After giving these six funny, but true examples of a friend who is not helping ease the shame-storm, Brown continues with this:

            “Of course, we’re all capable of being ‘these friends’ – especially if someone tells us a story that gets right up in our own shame grill.  We’re human, imperfect, and vulnerable. It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our own authenticity or when our own worthiness is off balance.”  (These quotes were taken from pages 10-11, and were not altered by me in anyway—unless there is a typo I don’t see.)

I have been pleasantly surprised that a book that offers advice for recognizing my own value can also provide actionable hints for becoming a truly compassionate and empathetic friend. I want to be fully known, and truly loved, but I also want those around me to have the same sense of security and belonging in my friendship.

So, I’d love to hear, have you read any enlightening books recently? Would you be interested in reading this one? 

For real, yo

Last night my cousin, friend, confidante, ex-roommate/housemate, etc. and I had a texting conversation. We text fairly often so it wasn't a momentous occasion, it was just fun and normal, and totally unrestrained. It made me think: isn't it awesome that there are people in our lives who just love us?

We can talk about anything. {and we do.} {and no, we don't always agree.} {but that's okay.}

We can be real. The kind of real that experiences hysterical laughter, the ugly cry, and everything in between.

We can make no sense to anyone but our strange selves. (The image above is exhibit A. Believe it or not, this particular conversation got a lot weirder. I only posted the mild stuff. ;)

We are free to do these things because we know the other will continue to love us. That is what true friendship is. So here's a big thank you to those in my life who fit the description above. You know who you are.

An interview (horror) story

One time {far too recently} I went to a job interview. The job posting I had applied to was on one of the numerous job boards I peruse on a daily basis, but one thing that should have tipped me off right from the start was that the job posting had no real job description. It only included what type of qualifications they were looking for in a new employee. {If you’re currently hunting for a job, keep this little gem of knowledge in your thinker: legit jobs will have a job description!!} Moving on. So after I submitted the application I got a call from this company which shall remain anonymous mostly because I can’t remember their official name and because I don’t want them to hunt me down to invite me to come in for an interview. And the next day, I went.

Apparently I made a good impression because I was asked to come back the next day to do a job shadowing day from 8:30am-5pm. I agreed. {Keep in mind that I still really didn’t have any idea of what kind of job I was interviewing for. So naïve!} The next day I arrived early in my professional suit -- but not heels-I had been told specifically to wear flats-- and was brought into a private office. I was introduced to the man whom I was to “shadow” for the day; he seemed nice enough. Then I was brought into the morning employee meeting. It got interesting.

As I entered the room I was asked to stand away from the wall to join everyone standing in a circle. The manager (who had interviewed me the day before) was calling out all these numbers and everyone around me was clapping in some rhythm that I couldn’t quite catch on to. (Awkward!) Then once the number-shouting-clapping-in-rhythm session was over, we began a boxing match. Yes. Boxing.

“Teams” of people were called out and everyone who was named had to run to the center of the circle (easier said than done when one is in a pencil skirt) to pound fists against the other team members. I think I might have blacked out from sheer confusion at this point. Next thing I know I’m getting into the back of a coup (again, I’m in a skirt) and I’m being driven to……I don’t know where.

Okay, so at this point it was dawning on me that these people must be in some type of sales position and we’d be doing cold calls. With a sales pitch and everything. That is not what I want to do (ever.) I had assumed I was applying for some office assistant position! Office assisting, I can do. Boxing and jumping in the backs of coups in a pencil skirt, not so much. So by 9:30 in the morning I already knew I did not want the job.

I was right. The job I didn’t know anything about was, indeed, a sales position. But not just sales as in retail or customer service, it was sales. Like the old school kind where you approach a random store, ask to speak with the manager and give them a sales pitch. Squirm.

At 10:30am I had already been given a complimentary cup of mushroom coffee (vomit) and been led across the plaza to a fish market where I stood for hours. Literally, hours. There was a big hang-up in the service “we” were providing so I had to wait, and wait, and wait. Which would have been fine except it was probably 100 degrees and it smelled like rotting fish.

I have the nose of a dog, so this was not the prime location for a delay. I was sure my face had turned a gnarly shade of green by the time we left there around 2:00pm. I had even walked away a few times just because I didn’t want to pass out or throw up!

By the end of the day, I reeked of fish, had sweat dripping down my back (sorry if that was tmi) and was so over that job, I wanted to cry. The follow up interview with the manager was not exactly my cup of tea, either. When I politely stated that I did not believe the position was for me, he said that I was just afraid. (EXCUSE ME!!!!?)

I left. I was mad. I reeked. I had digested mushroom coffee. Ugh.

But I lived through it all. And now, it is my favorite interview story to-date. :) I’m actually kind of glad it happened. Everyone needs a story to whip out when people are telling “my experience was worse than your experience” tales.

So there you have it. The moral of this story is avoid fish markets. Also, only apply to jobs you know are legit. Also, don't wear pencil skirts when you know you need to participate in a boxing match. Also, avoid the backseat of coups. Also, mushrooms are disgusting and why on earth would you put them in coffee?  

On life and perspective

Flying is an experience I think everyone should have. The take-off is exiting but once you’re in the air you can see the daily life of others continuing on below. 18-wheelers on the freeway begin to look like minute insects and houses become little legos. I always marvel at the way human life looks so different from above: almost embarrassingly small. I do not mean to say that human life is meaningless, rather, in perspective to the universe it is just a minuscule occurrence.

I love looking down, seeing large cities turn into small pockets of civilization, and feeling so in awe of God’s immeasurable size. 

While in the air, I also love to look out at the tops of clouds. The billowing spread of white looks as close to heaven as I can imagine. It’s glorious to witness the workings of nature from a different perspective: one that humans have only been privy to for a short time.

When I flew to Portland, Oregon recently the plane descended into a barrier of these clouds.  From a high elevation, the clouds were stunningly beautiful but once I reached the ground, the view was grey.  The clouds no longer held the same type of magnificent beauty. They were simply clouds, ready to sprinkle on the runway at any moment. 

Isn’t this so typical?  I often feel like life is a cloudy grey sky. It has low visibility, it darkens one’s mood, and in my case, it makes me want to stay in bed all day.  But from another perspective (ahem, God’s maybe?) those same clouds I see from below are brilliantly white and full of promise. His cloud-filled sky might be the same as mine, but His perspective is perfect. 

November 12-16th

Cloudy days and baking {plus a recipe!}

When it comes to sleep, I am really a blessed individual: at bedtime, I can usually fall asleep easily within 20 minutes of my head hitting the pillow.  I rarely wake in the night, and when I have a healthy sleep cycle (aka, I’m not pulling all-nighters for homework purposes) I usually wake up with ease when the alarm goes off.

But last night was NOT THAT WAY: I couldn’t fall asleep for the life of me! Then this morning I didn’t have any commitments (hooray!) and I didn’t set an alarm. So I slept in…far later than I like to.

And thus began this strange day.  It is overcast and dreary outside, warm inside, and I have been just one big lethargic lump. So I decided to bake something. Our fruit bowl has been filled with persimmons recently: a farmer’s market find from a few weeks ago. They were on the verge of spoiling, but still had some integrity left so I decided to experiment. I made persimmon bread with a little twist. Here's the recipe I used:

Ingredients:

1 cup persimmon pulp

3 cups granulated sugar

4 eggs

1 cup vegetable oil

1 ½ tsp. cinnamon

1 ½ tsp. salt

½ tsp. ground nutmeg

2 tsp. baking soda

3 cups all-purpose flour

2/3 cup water

½ cup diced dates

½ cup chopped pecans

My version of the directions:

(Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.)

*Because I started out with whole persimmons, I peeled them and put the pulp through the food processor to create an even texture. Then I placed the pulp in a small bowl, mixed in just a couple pinches of sugar so the persimmons would get juicier!

*In a separate mixing bowl, mix together sugar, eggs, oil, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg and baking soda.

*Alternately add flour, water, and persimmon pulp to the mixture above.

*Here’s the “twist” part: the recipe I was using called for one cup of walnuts but we didn’t have walnuts on hand. Instead I chopped up ½ cup pecans (one of our family favorites!) and ½ cup dates and folded them into the batter. We happen to have a ton of dates on hand because one of my mom’s student’s has a date orchard or some such thing… so we have had dates coming out our ears!

*Evenly divide batter into 2 or 3 greased loaf pans (depending on how large you want your loaves to turn out.) Bake at 350 degrees for one hour.

I wasn't able to get a photo of a full loaf because we had mice. Big, hungry mice in the kitchen. Their leftovers were not as pretty to photograph! ;)

The result was delicious! (well, at least the five of us think so.) One thing I didn’t expect was that the bottom crust of the persimmon bread went through a sort of caramelizing process which ended up having a slightly chewy texture. This hasn’t happened to any other specialty bread I’ve made before! My family decided that they like it that way so I’m not too upset by the surprise. If I were to make this bread over again, though, I’d place a piece of greased parchment paper on the bottom of the loaf pan just to help with the process of taking the loaf out! 

If you really knew me

A few months ago I stumbled on a new blog called SomethingIvory. The name itself caught my attention because I think “Ivory” is such a beautiful word. (Funny that Ivy doesn’t seem as beautiful…something about the “or” just enhances the word.) :)

I have quite enjoyed the range of topics the author, Kate writes about. She recently wrote an “if you really knew me” post and encouraged her readers to do the same. So here is my very own “if you really knew me” entry.

If you really knew me, you would know:

I am hopelessly and irreparably addicted to chapstick.  My favorite brand is the simple “chapstick” brand and I usually grab the non-scented type.  Every once in a while, though, I’ll get the spearmint or cherry scented type.

I truly love coffee. Yes, at times I have found myself addicted to the caffeine, but most the time I drink it because I genuinely love the flavor. Of course, it must have cream in it to make it palatable, but it must not have sugar.

Speaking of sugar, I’ve discovered that I’m actually not much of a sweets person.  If I want sugar I usually want it in the form of chocolate.  I feel rather indifferent toward most other forms of sugar.

Sunrises and sunsets are the cause of much joy for me. My instagram account is swamped with photos I've taken during one or the other. 

Although I love a good belly-laugh as much as the next person, I find that I gravitate more toward a serious or contemplative disposition. 

It would be accurate for you to call me an introvert. It would also be accurate for you to call me an extrovert. I have the capability to be both although the former comes most naturally.

I am a practical person with big, impractical dreams. :) go figure that one out!

I love to travel.  Give me a plane ticket and I’ll go anywhere.

I can be indecisive about anything. It’s a talent.

I have only brothers.  As a result, I can enjoy a good action film as readily as a chick flick.

I have never been in a romantic relationship even though I’m nearing my 23^rd birthday.

Your turn!

My life lately {In a nutshell}

This post brought to you by Natalie's non-contemplative side.

I've just spent an hour or so too much time going through my blogs from the past. It's always fun to go back to the beginning of this blog {which was the summer after I finished high school} and think of all that I have experienced since then. It's kind of a mind trip.
Anyway, I've noticed that recently I've been so contemplative on my blog that I haven't been very real. And, I think that years down the road I'll want to remember the blog-worthy events of my life too! Not just the blog worthy {or so I think} thoughts.

So here are some random bullet points from my life in the last couple months:

• I have 21 units this semester.
• 3 of which are an internship through the City and the Housing Authority.
• I live VERY simply because I only make enough money each week to fill my gas tank.
• I enjoy taking back roads and side streets through Chico so I can sing a little longer before I reach my destination.
• I'm learning the art of cuponing. {I'm not even close to those crazy TLC people though.}
• I spend gazillions of hours reading for classes. Sometimes I feel like my brain will explode.
• My 6:30am Bible study started back up again. LOVE IT.
• I discovered I don't like doing quantitative research. {yuck.}
• I actually like protein shakes now, as long as they're chocolate flavored.
• For fun, I've taken to hanging out at a secluded park with my Tommy Bahama beach chair, coffee, and a book of my choosing.
• I've discovered that Wilkie Collins is a fascinating and gripping storyteller.
• I find painting my nails to be a fun and brainless way to take a quick study break.

I really meant it when I said that this list would be random.

Bodega Bay over Labor Day

Last weekend my Aunt and Uncle rented a house in Bodega Bay and invited Adria and me along. We spent the weekend eating delicious sea-inspired meals, drinking coffee, reading, playing pool, assembling puzzles, and walking on the beach.
The weather was cool, overcast, and misty: a nice change for us!

From Bodega Bay

Dramatically jumping out of the wave's path :-)