The trade off

(Beware, this post contains far too many comma splices and run on sentences. Also, most sentences will start with the word “but” or “and.” If these grammar issues are annoying to you, you’d probably benefit from just skipping to another post. :)

Sometimes I want to puke when I go on pinterest.  (Don’t misunderstand… I love pinterest and all the wonderful/creative/imaginative/you-get-the-picture things to be found there.)  But pinterest is a hub for all things perfect, especially when it comes to decorating and organizing one’s house: something that I have loved doing in the past and look forward to doing again!

Just recently, I’ve been rather cantankerous about my living situation which is magnified by the whole pinterest exposé of all things beautiful and organized. Because I moved back in with my parents after college, I am living, once again, in my bedroom from high school. This poor room contains its original contents, plus many miscellaneous dorm-room necessities, plus my whole kitchen and bedroom from the house I rented for the last two years of college.  It’s filled to the brim! (Proof: three, yes three bookshelves of varying heights, two nightstands, a desk, a random chair from my kitchen table, oh my!)

Tonight, however, I was reminded to rest in contentment. My mom and I both happened to be in the kitchen and we fell into conversation that lasted hours.  We didn’t solve all the problems in the world. Or even one problem. But we talked about life and the experience of living it. We talked about joys and disappointments, our strengths and weaknesses. It was so comfortable and normal.  So tonight I’m going to bed with this on my mind: what a cool experience this is to grow in relationship with my parents as an adult.  Maybe I don’t have the ability to decorate my own house and kitchen to perfection.  But I do have the ability to spend this time fortifying valuable relationships. 

A family photo from my college graduation. (Which is actually beginning to feel like a long time ago!) 

Thoughts on a Friday morning

This particular phrase: “grow where you’re planted” is one that I often hear.  It’s a sweet and, might I say cliché, phrase used to inspire or uplift a person.  Sometimes, though, this concept is a challenging one to accept. At least this is true of me:

I grew up in the desert. And as many people from the High Desert of California can attest to, the most commonly held goal here is to move away. I actually have moved away, twice. Yet, I’ve been re-“planted” here again without a definite idea of how long I’ll stay.

This phase of life has been one with many dark days, I don’t want to make it sound perfect and sugar-coated.  But I’ve been trying diligently to turn my focus to the things I enjoy about the desert: its strange beauty. The sunrises and sunsets. The healthy church I am blessed to attend. The many, quality people I do life with here. The graciousness of my family in allowing me to live with them again. Free rent:). And some time to recover from a rather traumatic end-of-college experience.

I have absolutely no idea what is coming up in my future, but fostering a contented spirit is something that seems appropriate in any season of life…

Just some of my thoughts this Friday morning.

Happy weekend to you! :)

On courage and authenticity

So I’ve been thinking {That’s good right?} about what it means to live a courageous and authentic life.  This thought process has made me realize how often I am not courageous; and how my lack of courage actually causes me to be inauthentic. Sort of.

In fact, it might seem odd, but this little blog right here is the prime example of my lack of courage. I have been writing steadily for over four years (FOUR YEARS!?) on this thing and for the most part I have kept it pretty hush-hush. Like when people ask what my hobbies are, I say “You know, the usual, hanging out with friends, traveling, skiing, swimming, listening to music, reading and *covers mouth and coughs a little* writing.” Ahem what? Writing? No, I didn’t say that.

And then whenever the inevitable “blog” word comes up, I feel like I should justify it by saying “I know this sounds reeeeaaally nerdy: I write a blog.” Go crawl in the corner and be ashamed.

So that’s the back story about my cowardice. But the root of it is this: I have such a hard time letting people just think what they will! So I avoid “putting myself out there” and maybe looking a little strange. This is not the way to live with courage and authenticity.

The first step toward courage and authenticity for me is actually owning up to who I am to my entire social network. {If you want to know how freaked out I get about the social networking thing…click here!} One of my hobbies is writing. I love writing. And one facet of this hobby includes writing this blog.

Sometimes I even write about really scandalous stuff. Like my faith. {Oh my goodness, no she didn’t.} Yes. Yes, I do.

Sometimes I write when I want to punch someone in the face… with words, of course. (Probably shouldn’t have written that right after the faith point I just made…)

Sometimes I write with humor.

Sometimes I exude melancholy.

But for the most part, I’m really just me. An authentic, me.

So thanks for reading, friends! (Including those who found me through a social networking sphere.) I hope we can stay friends even when I’m being courageous and authentic.

What does discipline look like on me?

Over here I wrote about discipline and how much I admire those who employ it in their lives. I’ve continued to think about discipline and the ways it would be best employed in my own life.  While I’ve come up with many answers to that question, I think the first way I should focus on living a disciplined life is by using my time intentionally.