If I could go to college all over again.

(This sad neglected little post has been hiding in my draft folder for months! Poor little guy.) 

My youngest brother just came home from a preview weekend at a college in Arizona and although he is still a sophomore in High School, I just can’t believe he is already old enough for college to be on his mind. I thought he was going to stay six forever. 

His conversation this evening has stirred in me some thoughts that have been on my mind recently. They bring up several emotions - a combination of nostalgia, joy, regret, and relief. {I wouldn’t believe that those feelings could co-exist if I wasn’t actually feeling them myself -- the spectrum of feeling in the human experience is remarkable and often contradictory, I find.}  So aside from my feelings about my college experience, I thought it might be a helpful to write a list of the advice I’d give to young students embarking on the adventure that is college. (And by “helpful” I mostly just mean therapeutic...) Here it goes:  

(In no particular order.)

It is just fine - and normal - to go through a period of homesickness. People around you may say they’re not homesick and if that’s true, good for them (?). You are not a weak person for having emotions about such a big change in your life. 

You have a plan. I get it. It’s pretty solid and awesome and you’re going to change the world. But if your plan changes or you feel led to take a different path (aka change your major) you don’t have to feel like you’re the only person on the planet who has ever been at a crossroads. And if you come across that crossroads multiple times ... I’ll chose an arbitrary number, sayyyyy five times.... you are still capable of world-change. It’s good to have a plan, it’s even better to allow God to change them. 

If you have any desire to study abroad. DO IT. Do it. Do it. Do it. Don’t be complacent about it. Pursue it. Take longer to graduate if that’s what it takes. I’m almost positive that it’s worth it. I say “almost” because I never studied abroad and it is one of the things I regret most about my college experience.

Enjoy the stage you're in.  How cliche is that!? I certainly don't take enough advantage of this advice in regard to my current season of life, but I'm always ready to bestow such advice on others. What a hypocrite I am. But seriously, enjoy college life as much as possible. Enjoy the all-nighters in the library in your sweats even though you feel nearly dead with exhaustion and stress. You just might look back on that misery with fondness. 

Imperfection

If I learned anything in college, I learned not to take information hook-line-and-sinker style.  I feel that the process of using discernment in my search for knowledge is a skill that my time in higher education fine-tuned. Although I’m sure this skill will continue to develop as I pursue knowledge throughout my life, I hope my studies thus far have helped me to grow in discernment and wisdom in the learning process.

With that said, I want to introduce to you a book that I’ve been reading.  It is called “The Gifts of Imperfection” written by Brené Brown, a writer and research professor at the University Of Houston Graduate College Of Social Work. (Click here to read her blog!) Though I am only about halfway through the book, I feel that Brown has already imparted many practical and actionable tips for living wholeheartedly.  It’s funny because as a Christian, I see how many of these tips are in-line with Christ-like living – but from what I can tell, the author does not hold the same faith as I do.  (Although, overall, I still recommend the book.)

Click here to find this on Amazon.com

If you remember, last month I wrote a series on recognizing intrinsic value. Though I only made it through 18 of the 31 days of writing, I still haven’t forgotten the topic: it is still one that is close to my heart and finds its way into my thoughts on a regular basis. In addition, I wrote yesterday about friendship, the connection I feel to a few close friends and the sense of security, and belonging that those relationships bring to my life. With those two topics in my most recent writing history, I was happy to find such wisdom in Brown’s way of approaching these topics.

Brown (who has researched this for at least a decade) writes a lot about shame and the intense vulnerability a “shame-storm” causes.  At first, I thought a shame storm included only that highly emotional state one experiences after a traumatic event. (Think, bombed presentation, an unnecessary fight, embarrassing moment, or basically anything else that causes feelings of mortification to arise.) But after reading further I discovered Brown's full definition of shame: "...the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." She advocates talking to the right person when experiencing a shame-storm.  Choosing the right person is the key. “We definitely want to avoid the following:

1. The friend who hears the story and actually feels shame for you.  She gasps and confirms how horrified you should be.  Then there is awkward silence.  Then you have to make her feel better.

2. The friend who responds with sympathy (I feel so sorry for you) rather than empathy (I get it, I feel with you, and I've been there).  If you want to see a shame cyclone turn deadly, throw one of these at it: ‘Oh, you poor thing.’ Or, the incredibly passive-aggressive southern version of sympathy: ‘Bless your heart.’

3. The friend who needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity. She can’t help because she’s too disappointed in your imperfections.  You've let her down.

4. The friend who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability that she scolds you: ‘How did you let this happen? What were you thinking?’ Or she looks for someone to blame: ‘Who was that guy? We’ll kick his ass.’

5. The friend who is all about making it better and, out of her own discomfort, refuses to acknowledge that you can actually be crazy and make terrible choices: ‘You’re exaggerating. It wasn't that bad. You rock. You’re perfect. Everyone loves you.’

6. The friend who confuses ‘connection’ with the opportunity to one-up you: ‘That’s nothing. Listen to what happened to me one time!’”

After giving these six funny, but true examples of a friend who is not helping ease the shame-storm, Brown continues with this:

            “Of course, we’re all capable of being ‘these friends’ – especially if someone tells us a story that gets right up in our own shame grill.  We’re human, imperfect, and vulnerable. It’s hard to practice compassion when we’re struggling with our own authenticity or when our own worthiness is off balance.”  (These quotes were taken from pages 10-11, and were not altered by me in anyway—unless there is a typo I don’t see.)

I have been pleasantly surprised that a book that offers advice for recognizing my own value can also provide actionable hints for becoming a truly compassionate and empathetic friend. I want to be fully known, and truly loved, but I also want those around me to have the same sense of security and belonging in my friendship.

So, I’d love to hear, have you read any enlightening books recently? Would you be interested in reading this one? 

Study food

This weekend has been such a reprieve from the scattered busyness that seems to consume most my days. I've stayed in, done massive quantities of homework, and cleaned; all the while wearing sweats and a sweatshirt with my hair up in a messy bun and a tribal looking headband to keep it all out of sight. Yeah, it’s been awesome.
Anyway, that’s beside the point I actually set out to make in this post. And that point is: FOOD!

Here's a list of the food that's been powering my studying brain this weekend. {For better or for worse.}

• Split pea soup—at least one bowl a day. {Yes, I made it myself in the Crockpot without a recipe. I win.}
• An entire loaf of French bread {Of course I didn’t eat the whole thing by myself! Ahem, actually I did. Bring on the sit-ups.} Speaking of bread, when I have the time I want to try this recipe.

• Spoonfuls of peanut butter and nutella. YUM.
• Sunflower Seeds

• Soy Protein shakes, chocolate flavored. {I may or may not have added some chocolate chips to it too.}

My life lately {In a nutshell}

This post brought to you by Natalie's non-contemplative side.

I've just spent an hour or so too much time going through my blogs from the past. It's always fun to go back to the beginning of this blog {which was the summer after I finished high school} and think of all that I have experienced since then. It's kind of a mind trip.
Anyway, I've noticed that recently I've been so contemplative on my blog that I haven't been very real. And, I think that years down the road I'll want to remember the blog-worthy events of my life too! Not just the blog worthy {or so I think} thoughts.

So here are some random bullet points from my life in the last couple months:

• I have 21 units this semester.
• 3 of which are an internship through the City and the Housing Authority.
• I live VERY simply because I only make enough money each week to fill my gas tank.
• I enjoy taking back roads and side streets through Chico so I can sing a little longer before I reach my destination.
• I'm learning the art of cuponing. {I'm not even close to those crazy TLC people though.}
• I spend gazillions of hours reading for classes. Sometimes I feel like my brain will explode.
• My 6:30am Bible study started back up again. LOVE IT.
• I discovered I don't like doing quantitative research. {yuck.}
• I actually like protein shakes now, as long as they're chocolate flavored.
• For fun, I've taken to hanging out at a secluded park with my Tommy Bahama beach chair, coffee, and a book of my choosing.
• I've discovered that Wilkie Collins is a fascinating and gripping storyteller.
• I find painting my nails to be a fun and brainless way to take a quick study break.

I really meant it when I said that this list would be random.