Not-Sharing, Sharing and Over-sharing - how to walk the tightrope.

Via

I’ve been coming across a clash of personalities recently. I wouldn’t say this is something new in my life, rather, it’s something that is becoming increasingly noticeable to me.  I’ve been trying to think through it while I’m in a meditative state of mind rather than a heated one but despite my thinking, I have yet to come to any real conclusions. So please bare with me while I talk out {write out} some of my underdeveloped thoughts. 

I am not a public personality. I have close friends and family members who I talk with very openly, but it does not feel natural to me to open up in the same way to everybody. This is especially true when I’m in a group. I guess you can say that my group personality is quite reserved and private even though I may not be as reserved in a one-on-one conversation. Are you following? I feel like I’ve already begun to talk in circles...

So in light of this reality about myself, I have found that it isn’t uncommon for me to feel uncomfortable when I’m being questioned in a crowd. Even if it’s about something exciting! I might be answering questions about my job, or my relationship status, or my hopes and dreams... all things that are a pleasure to talk about with another individual. Yet, when I’m in the group setting I easily feel overexposed, a little bruised, and to put it in the harshest terms: interrogated. 

I also find it interesting that I know intellectually when I am the center of a conversation in a crowd, that the people with whom I am speaking ask questions out of genuine interest.  Their purpose is not to make me feel poked and prodded. 

So this is the question I’ve been asking myself regarding this issue: How can I know this truth in my head (that the intentions of the people asking questions are not intending malice), and yet continue to feel differently (as in, leaving the situation feeling like I’ve been overexposed)?

**I also recognize the irony of these feelings in light of the fact that I write a personal blog which is mostly all about me. Go figure.**

A blog game

Via

One of my new blogger friends, Amy tagged me in a post that is a sort of a blog version of a chain letter. (Do you remember those!?) When I saw her post it reminded me that Amanda also tagged me in this last year and I never did a post about it! (I'm sorry Amanda! I didn't mean to ignore you. I was in the throws of my last semester and I think the only phrases that I could write in a cohesive way were: "public policy" and "I think I might die before graduation." A little dramatic, I know!)

This blog game is called the "Liebster Blog Award." The first thing I thought when I read it was "What on earth is a 'liebster'?" Are you curious about that too? Well, I did a little research and I found this informative blog post about its origins.

Here are the rules I was given: (Disclaimer, I may be a rebel and not exactly follow all the rules. I know, I'm such a deviant.)

1. Write eleven facts about yourself.
2. Answer the eleven questions asked by your tagger.
3. Create eleven new questions for those you tag.
4. Tag eleven bloggers with fewer than 200 followers.
5. No tag-backs!

Eleven Facts   (I'm going to try not to repeat any facts that I wrote about here... It'll be a challenge!)

1. I have a gargantuan family. I mean it. Both my parents were one of six children. Cousins abound.

2. Regarding this family, I feel like there are few things that could give me as much joy as my relationship with each one of them does. On the other hand, there are few things that could cause me more sorrow than this family. With so many people in my life it is hard not to get bogged down with all the tragedies and crisis and reasons for which to be unceasingly prayerful.

3. I learned to snow ski when I was four or five and I've loved skiing ever since!

4. I am 5 feet 9 inches tall. Even though it's not incredibly tall, I have always felt self-conscious of my height. I am only just growing into a sense of peace and comfort about it. (I even have a few pairs of heels now. What.)

5. I really enjoy quick-witted conversations. I find that when I'm on a roll, I tend to sound more sarcastic rather than goofy.

6. If you had told my ten-year-old self that my twenty-three-year-old self would still be single. She'd probably be really, really upset. My twenty-three-year-old self isn't quite as upset as ten-year-old self would be, but she's starting to wonder.....

7. Sometimes I get a crazy passionate notion in my head and I do all sorts of research about it to see how possible it is. "I wonder if I could travel around the world for a year?" "Would it be possible to live in Estonia for a while?" "How hard would it be to get a degree in ________?" are some of the questions I've explored.

8. One of my biggest fears is that I'll become a stale, lethargic person with the strictest comfort-zone.

9. My brain wont shut off. It's quite annoying sometimes.

10. When I write, I use commas SO OFTEN. I usually proof-read my work specifically to look for ways to remove commas.

11. Sometimes I think back to particular conversations or situations with an intense feeling of mortification and I have to calm myself into remembering that I would be the most boring person in the whole world if I acted perfectly in every situation or said the perfect thing at all times.

Eleven Answers:

1.What is your biggest inspiration when it comes to blogging?
This is going to sound weird but my inspiration is myself.  I try really hard to just be me and not follow anyone else exactly. I always feel like when I start admiring other bloggers or writers I begin to emulate them in a way that doesn't flow naturally from me. I want very much for my work on here to reflect myself and the passions and talents (or lack-thereof) that I have (or don't have). :)

2. If your life were a movie, who would play you?  
 This is such an awesome question, I've never thought of an answer to this before now! I am going to go with Amanda Seyfried because I've heard many people say that some of the roles she plays remind them of me. (I think the most commonly mentioned one is "Letters to Juliet.") I find it fascinating because I don't really see it!

3. What is your favorite scent?  
It's a four-way-tie. (sorry!) Vanilla, jasmine, freshly sliced oranges or lemons, and coffee.

4. If you were a super-hero, what would your power be?
I think it would probably be something like stealth. Mostly because I have scared many roommates by suddenly "appearing" in the room. (Which, of course, is ludicrous, I just walked there.) Maybe I'm just a quiet walker?

5.What is your favorite hobby, besides blogging?
I don't have a favorite, per se. I do enjoy reading, exploring, driving (road-trip style), swimming, and skiing. I especially LOVE all things to do with the ocean.

6. What is your favorite go-to outfit?
Hm, I actually don't have one that I can think of! My default is always jeans and some sort of t-shirt. Recently I've been wearing a lot of skinny jeans + loose button up shirts. But I do enjoy putting other things together too! So I guess my full answer is ... I don't know! haha

7. If you could learn another language in a day, what would it be and why?
I would learn Italian! My best friend and I have always dreamed of going to Italy together.

8. Who is the biggest hero in your life?
Dude. This question is really hard. I feel like I have so many wise and godly people in my life that I can't really chose one to surpass all others. I'd say the first people that come to mind are my mom and dad, my grandpa, and one of my uncles.

9. What is your favorite way to relax?
In the winter, I like to read in the bath or under a big blanket (I'm always cold.) In the summer I like to swim and hang out at the beach (with a book, duh.) ;)

10. Coffee or tea? Plus your favorite brand...
BOTH! I'm sorry, I can't be more choosy. I absolutely love both. My favorite type of coffee so far is the Guatemalan blend or Kona coffee from Trader Joes. And I love most teas. My current favorite is Irish breakfast with a little cream and honey. I haven't found a particular brand that I think is ultimately superior yet.

11. What is your biggest goal in regard to your blog?
Okay..... Do you have all day? I'll try to make it short. I have gone through phases of thought about this and here's where I'm at currently: I want this blog to be a place where I feel free to express myself in most any way that I feel is appropriate. I want to create a sense of freedom to dialogue with my readers (as in, if they comment, I try really hard to reply!).  I hope that this would mean that I could attract a plentiful number of readers but, I am not aiming for readers. (Does that make sense at all?) I feel that if I write only to catch more readers, then I'm not writing for the simple love of writing.  So that's a rambling way to explain my thoughts but that's how it came out, so I'm sticking with it!

Eleven Questions:

1. If you could pick up and move to any location without regard to money, where would it be?
2. If you could go back and relive any year of your life, which year would it be?
3. What was your least favorite food as a child? Is it still your least favorite?
4. Why do you blog?
5. What do you like most about your own personality?
6. What character trait do you admire most in others?
7. Do you have a favorite artist or band?
8. Pride and Prejudice: old adaptation (with Colin Firth) or new adaptation?
9. If you could be born into a different decade (or century) when would you choose be born? Why?
10. What activity is the most calming or therapeutic for you?
11. Stripes or polka dots?

Blogs I'm Tagging! (When I was looking through the list of blogs I follow, I realized that I do not follow enough blogs with fewer than 200 readers! And many of those I do follow have already been tagged. So I'm tagging fewer than 11 blogs.)

1. Caily Colleen
2 Aurora Vilchis
3. Sweet Peas & Lucky Honey
4. Niki's Notebook

Thank you all for reading! I realize this post was LONG. Wow. It took me a while too! Now I'm off to go search through other blogs to read that have fewer than 200 readers! :) I hope you're all having a wonderful Wednesday.

(The photo above is of Tallinn, the capital city of Estonia. See #7 of "Eleven Facts" for relevance!) :-) 

Social networking culture

Even though I have grown up in the initial technologically-based social networking era {say that five times fast…} I created a myspace account (so embarrassing!) when I was 15, then switched to facebook at 17. That same facebook account is the one I use today.

On facebook I am connected to “friends” from basically every chapter of my life. I’m connected with old elementary school friends, elementary school teachers, jr high friends, high school friends, college friends, church friends (from all churches I’ve attended at all ages), family friends, extended family, immediate family, old acquaintances, new acquaintances, coworkers, and even my previous managers! My goodness.

I don’t think there has ever been a group of people I’ve known with whom I have been inauthentic. It’s just that different settings bring out different facets of my personality. . . and this definitely causes issues when I go to post any sort of “status” update.  Before I post, I start thinking about alllllllllll the people who can read it, which kind of freaks me out. So I usually delete whatever comment I was going to make.

Is this the case for anyone else out there? Or am I just way overly analytic? 

If you really knew me

A few months ago I stumbled on a new blog called SomethingIvory. The name itself caught my attention because I think “Ivory” is such a beautiful word. (Funny that Ivy doesn’t seem as beautiful…something about the “or” just enhances the word.) :)

I have quite enjoyed the range of topics the author, Kate writes about. She recently wrote an “if you really knew me” post and encouraged her readers to do the same. So here is my very own “if you really knew me” entry.

If you really knew me, you would know:

I am hopelessly and irreparably addicted to chapstick.  My favorite brand is the simple “chapstick” brand and I usually grab the non-scented type.  Every once in a while, though, I’ll get the spearmint or cherry scented type.

I truly love coffee. Yes, at times I have found myself addicted to the caffeine, but most the time I drink it because I genuinely love the flavor. Of course, it must have cream in it to make it palatable, but it must not have sugar.

Speaking of sugar, I’ve discovered that I’m actually not much of a sweets person.  If I want sugar I usually want it in the form of chocolate.  I feel rather indifferent toward most other forms of sugar.

Sunrises and sunsets are the cause of much joy for me. My instagram account is swamped with photos I've taken during one or the other. 

Although I love a good belly-laugh as much as the next person, I find that I gravitate more toward a serious or contemplative disposition. 

It would be accurate for you to call me an introvert. It would also be accurate for you to call me an extrovert. I have the capability to be both although the former comes most naturally.

I am a practical person with big, impractical dreams. :) go figure that one out!

I love to travel.  Give me a plane ticket and I’ll go anywhere.

I can be indecisive about anything. It’s a talent.

I have only brothers.  As a result, I can enjoy a good action film as readily as a chick flick.

I have never been in a romantic relationship even though I’m nearing my 23^rd birthday.

Your turn!

That conversation

There is one conversation that I have had numerous times with many different people. The topic of this conversation is introversion.  I find that there is hardly a topic that can fire me up as quickly as this one.  Nearly two sentences in and I’m already spitting mad.

You see, I’m an introvert.

According to the Myers-Briggs personality profile I’m an INFJ.  The breakdown of this personality type (kind of) freaks me out with its accuracy.

I can become so riled up about the injustice of how misunderstood introversion is in our society.  I begin an inner-dialog (ahem, more like a rant.) about how unfair it feels when others don’t even try to understand.  But I’ve been trying to think more positively about introversion and leaving the anger out.

I asked myself the question: What does being an introvert mean to me?

Here is what I’ve come up with so far:

Introversion causes me to spend a great deal of time sifting through my head and heart.

It allows me to think before I speak.

It enables me to feel at peace in my own company.

It {hopefully} helps me to be a good listener.

It allows me to understand social interactions from a unique perspective.

It forces me to be intentional about the relationships I have.

Although this list is not exhaustive, it is a successful beginning.  I have found that thinking of this topic in this positive way has helped me to get over the feeling of victimization when I discuss this with non-introverts.  I am created in the likeness of Christ!  My personality, introversion included, displays a facet of Christ’s creativity that is important. 

Personality Quirks

This is hilarious! :) And kind of- sort of . . . spot on! 

I'm an INFJ

What are you? Is it accurate for your personality type?