"I dwell in possibility" ~Emily Dickinson

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A balancing act

Posted on: 10.10.2012

A balancing act: the tightrope between my expectation to be treated with respect and self-exaltation.  How can I live that balance well?  More fundamentally, how can my heart stay balanced in that as well?

At the same time, I certainly don’t want to fall into the pit that is insecurity.

What is the solution for avoiding pride, avoiding insecurity, but living a life that displays a thorough knowledge of my value and dignity?

Oh, the dilemma.

I discovered in college that these types of questions are so difficult for me.  I admired students who would raise their hands and answer with perfect clarity a difficult question posed by a professor.  In addition to admiration for their eloquence, however, I often disagreed with or only partially agreed with what the student said.  Life is SO not black and white in my mind.

When tossed a dilemma, my most common response is to chew and ponder and contemplate and mull over and every other synonym for think.  Often, even  this process doesn't land me on a solid answer. {annoying!}

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I think it will always be a balancing, juggling, circus act for me to live this out.  I know that sometimes I will fall off that tightrope onto the side of insecurity and an improper estimation of my value.  Other times, I’ll find myself equally off the tightrope on the side of pride and an overestimation of myself. The only practical thing I can do is recognize that the tightrope exists and continually evaluate which side is causing my instability. 

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