Sometimes I relate so well with the words in Ecclesiastes: “Meaningless! Meaningless! ... Everything is meaningless.” (Ecc. 1:2) It sounds dramatic, I know, but the feeling is there, dramatic or not. I think so often I am swept up with thoughts about the future. Somehow my future self seems to have everything down-pat in my mind’s eye. She’s graceful and gracious, she would probably never snap at anyone or be annoyed for any reason. Her pursuits are full of richness and meaning. She never wavers in her discipline and service to the Lord. She is humble and unconditionally loving. And I guess, overall, the best thing about this future self is that she isn’t focused on herself at all.
But my present day self, welllllll... not so much. She has problems. She’s human. Really, super human. (not super-human, but super human -- if you catch my drift.) Her daily life feels kind of aimless. She can’t understand why she lives as if Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TV, and movies actually matter. She finds it exhausting to live in a culture where shallow affirmation is a status symbol - “oh no! Nobody “liked” my status. How embarrassing!” And sometimes her thoughts about how meaningless life seems really befuddle her. (Apparently so much so, that she can only speak about them in third person.) Let’s transition back to first person now, Natalie.
I, Natalie, am floundering a bit with capturing sense of meaning in daily life. My thought life is full of adventure and risk while my daily life is hum-drum. I guess I want to find that niche of passion and chase after it to the end of the earth. Or something. I don’t really know. In addition, I just still need so much work! Jeez. I’m kind of a mess, let me tell you!
So this Easter Sunday, I am utterly grateful that I have a Savior. Not only that He conquered the grave, but that He first was sent to the grave for me: for my heart that is just so unworthy of His love and so far from His perfection.
And that’s that.
Now, for the Sunday Currently!
Currently
Reading: The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien. I'm almost done! Hooray! I just went to the bookstore yesterday to buy the next two just so I'm prepared to keep the momentum going.
Writing: hmm, I think after I'm done with this post, I don't have anything else to write. :)
Listening: The wind is blowing. (What else is new?) So I am listening to the wind blow in through the open window. And my cat, Skittles is purring. She's just the cutest.
Thinking: about when I can begin my painting project! Now that I know that I'll be living here for a while longer, I think a fresh coat of paint is in order. :) I like to change things up!
Smelling: Mostly just the wind! And a little bit of my vanilla-scented hand lotion.
Wishing: I could travel far and wide. Like right now.
Hoping: That my coffee is done brewing! Cup #2. And also that I can stop neglecting this poor blog! I do really miss it.
Wearing: Do you want the what I wore to church version? Or the right now version? The church version is cuter. The right now version is honest. I'm wearing work-out pants and a sweatshirt. You can decide which version that is.
Loving: That the Lord loves me in spite of myself. ;-)
Wanting: Some cute summer sandals.
Needing: to finish my laundry. BLECH.
Feeling: rather hungry, actually.
(Linking up with Lauren.)
Natalie, I know just how you feel. Sometimes, I feel like I have a loooong ways to go until I can become the person I really want to be. But I think that's a good thing, and part of being a Christian. We are constantly reflecting and trying to do as Jesus would do, and we are constantly falling short (and always will!). The point is that we're trying. Not accepting our weaknesses but working on them, trying not to snap the next time we feel annoyed, but trying to breathe through it instead. Little tiny changes like that are a big deal, actually.
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy the rest of your Easter! Be kind to yourself!
Thanks for the kind encouragement, Kate! :) It is nice to know that there are so many others out there working through this same reality. (Of human-ness.) I hope you had a wonderful Easter!
DeleteI can hear my cat purring, too. She's loud ;) You`re right, it can be so easy to get caught up in trivial and meaningless things, but when we are aware of it, that's a big first step, I think. Happy Easter!!
ReplyDeleteJess
www.somesnapshots.com
Aw, I love the sound of a cat's purr. My cat's purr is quite soft, and she doesn't purr very often so it's always a treat to hear it. :)
DeleteHappy Easter!
Hurrah for purring cats and painting projects! I have both of those going on in my life now, too, and it's quite nice. :) I really enjoyed your reflections on being human and finding meaning. We are all flawed creatures, and I think we all fall short of capturing that idealized, imagined future self. Maybe valued living, or living in accordance with what matters most to us, is more of an ongoing process, one that gives us purpose as we strive to improve ourselves. That journey is an important one, and I think it's part of who we are and who we are meant to be become.
ReplyDelete